They make me check under the bed and in closets a specific number of times
Every night, your child asks you to check under the bed, inside the closet, and behind the curtains — and not just once, but a specific number of times (often three or five). If you lose count or they're not sure you checked "properly," you have to start over. What seems like a normal childhood fear has turned into a rigid ritual that must be performed exactly right.
What's Happening (The OCD Cycle)
Many children go through a developmental phase of wanting a parent to check for monsters under the bed. What separates normal childhood fear from OCD is the rigidity and the compulsive nature of the checking. A typically anxious child is satisfied by a single check and some reassurance. A child with OCD is not — the checking must be repeated a specific number of times, performed in a specific way, and any disruption requires a restart.
The OCD is hijacking a normal fear response and adding its signature features: repetition, exactness, and the involvement of the parent as a ritual performer. Your child's obsessive thought may be about intruders, monsters, or a vague sense of danger. The compulsion is having you check, and the "magic number" of checks creates an illusion of control — as if checking exactly three times provides protection that checking twice does not.
Because you are the one performing the check, this ritual is a form of accommodation from the very first instance. Your child is outsourcing their compulsion to you, and your willing participation — though born entirely from love — teaches the OCD that the danger is real enough to warrant investigation and that your child cannot handle the anxiety on their own.
How This Looks by Age
Your young child needs you to check under the bed, in the closet, and behind the curtains a specific number of times before they can even attempt to sleep. One check isn't enough -- it might be three times under the bed, twice in the closet, and once behind each curtain. If you lose count or they feel uncertain, the whole sequence restarts. They genuinely believe something is hiding there, and your checks are the only thing keeping them safe.
You might say:
“I'm going to check one time, and that one check is going to count. The Worry Monster wants me to check again and again, but checking lots of times actually makes the Worry Monster louder, not quieter. I checked, nothing is there, and you are safe. I'm going to sit right outside your door while you fall asleep.”
Your child knows rationally that nothing is under the bed but can't shake the feeling that something bad will happen if you don't check. The checking ritual has expanded -- now they need you to check every room on the floor, verify windows are locked, and confirm the alarm is set. They may get out of bed to re-check areas themselves after you've left. The ritual takes 20-30 minutes and is getting longer. They feel babyish and embarrassed but can't stop.
You might say:
“I know you know nothing is under the bed. The problem isn't the bed -- it's OCD making you feel uncertain even when you know the truth. Tonight I'm going to check once, and then I'm done. The uncomfortable feeling is going to come, and it's going to pass. You're getting better at handling this every night.”
What NOT to Do
Checking the exact number of times they request without question
Perfect compliance with the OCD's demands makes you a reliable ritual partner. The OCD will maintain or increase its requirements because it has learned that you will always comply. Your child's anxiety may feel managed in the short term, but the ritual is strengthening, not weakening.
Adding your own reassurances on top of the check ("See? Nothing there! I promise you're safe!")
Verbal reassurance stacked on top of physical checking is a double dose of accommodation. Your words become part of the required ritual — soon your child will need you to say specific reassuring phrases in a specific order after each check.
Installing nightlights, cameras, or locks to "prove" the room is safe
Technological solutions are accommodation with better hardware. They may work briefly, but the OCD will find a way around them: "What if the camera isn't pointing the right way?" or "What if the lock didn't really catch?" You end up in an arms race with the OCD's creativity.
What to Try Instead
Reduce the Check Count Gradually
- 1.Note how many checks your child currently requires. Let's say it's five.
- 2.Explain to your child (during the day, not at bedtime): "We're going to teach the OCD that five checks aren't needed. This week, I'm going to do four checks instead of five."
- 3.Drop one check per week: five to four, four to three, three to two, two to one.
- 4.Each time you reduce, acknowledge the discomfort: "I know four feels like it's not enough. The OCD is saying you need one more. But you made it through last night with four, and everything was okay."
You might say:
“"I've been checking under the bed five times every night, and I'm happy to do things to help you feel safe. But I've noticed that the checking isn't actually making the scared feeling go away — it keeps coming back. So this week, I'm going to check four times instead of five. I know that might feel scary at first, but I think you're brave enough to try. And I'll be right down the hall all night."”
Transfer the Check to Your Child
- 1.Instead of you performing the check, your child does their own single check with a flashlight.
- 2.Hand them the flashlight like a tool of empowerment: "You're the room inspector tonight."
- 3.They check under the bed and in the closet once, announce their findings ("All clear!"), and get into bed.
- 4.No additional checks from you. If they ask you to recheck, redirect: "You already inspected. The inspector's report is final."
- 5.This shifts them from passive reassurance-seeker to active agent — a powerful psychological shift.
You might say:
“"Tonight, I'm promoting you to Official Room Inspector. Here's your flashlight. Your job is to check under the bed and in the closet — one time each — and give me your report. If the Room Inspector says all clear, that's the final answer. I trust the Inspector. The OCD might try to tell you the inspection wasn't good enough, but we both know you're thorough."”
Skip the Check Entirely
- 1.After successfully reducing to one check (either yours or theirs), propose the ultimate challenge: no checks at all.
- 2.Frame it as an experiment, not a permanent change: "Let's try one night with no checking and see what happens."
- 3.Your child gets into bed, and you say goodnight normally. No checking, no reassurance about the room.
- 4.If they become anxious, you can offer emotional support from outside the room without performing a check: "I'm here. You're safe. No check needed."
- 5.After the first successful no-check night, celebrate meaningfully. Build on the success.
You might say:
“"You've been doing amazing with the room inspections. You went from needing me to check five times to doing one quick check yourself. Tonight, I want to try the ultimate experiment: no check at all. Just walk in, get into bed, and trust that your room is fine. I know the OCD is going to lose its mind over this — and that's actually a good sign. It means we're winning. One night. Just to see. What do you say?"”
When It Gets Tough
When you reduce or eliminate the bedtime checks, your child may initially have more difficulty falling asleep, may call out to you more frequently, or may develop temporary substitute behaviors (like checking the room with their eyes from bed, or asking you to confirm the house is locked instead). This is the OCD looking for a new outlet, and it's a normal part of the extinction burst. For younger children, the distress may manifest as tears, clinginess, or regression in other areas (wanting to sleep in your bed, needing extra comfort during the day). Stay consistent and compassionate. The burst typically peaks within three to five nights and then begins to ease. If your child is under seven, you may need to move more slowly through the steps — one reduction every two weeks instead of every week — and that's perfectly fine.
When to Get Professional Help
Consider consulting a specialist if:
- •The checking ritual has expanded beyond the bedroom to other rooms in the house or to checking routines before other activities
- •Your child is unable to fall asleep without the complete checking ritual, even after weeks of gradual reduction attempts
- •The required number of checks is increasing rather than decreasing over time
- •Your child has begun expressing specific fears that are unusually intense or detailed for their age (graphic descriptions of what might happen)
- •Bedtime anxiety is spilling into daytime: your child is anxious about nighttime hours before bed, or is avoiding being alone in any room
Related Situations
This guide provides educational information based on ERP and CBT principles. It is not a substitute for professional clinical guidance. Always consult a qualified mental health professional for your family's specific needs.