They shower for over an hour and we can't get them to stop

Your child's showers have stretched from 10 minutes to 45 minutes or longer. They follow a rigid sequence -- washing each body part a specific number of times, in a specific order. If interrupted or if they lose count, they restart. You can hear the water running and running while they repeat their routine. The water bill has spiked and they're sometimes late for school because the shower took too long.

Your teen disappears into the bathroom for an hour or more. They may use an entire bottle of body wash in a week, follow elaborate washing sequences that they restart if anything feels 'off,' and emerge with red, irritated skin. They're secretive about what happens in the shower and may become explosive if you try to set time limits. Mornings are derailed, hot water runs out for other family members, and their skin is showing signs of damage.

Your adult child's shower rituals may be consuming 1-2 hours daily, causing them to miss classes, be late for work, or avoid leaving home altogether. Roommates complain about the bathroom monopoly and water costs. Their skin is dry, cracked, or raw from excessive washing. They may schedule their entire day around shower rituals, declining invitations because they 'haven't showered yet' even though they showered that morning.

1. 1.At a neutral time (not before or after a shower), ask your child what happens in the shower. Not accusingly — with genuine curiosity.
2. 2.Many children feel relief when someone finally asks. They may describe the specific steps, the counting, the "not right" feeling that forces them to restart.
3. 3.Write down the ritual together. Name it as the OCD's shower routine, not your child's.
4. 4.Ask: "If you could take a normal shower — in and out in ten minutes — would you want to?" Almost every child says yes. This confirms their motivation and your shared goal.

1. 1.Together, decide on a target shower time. Don't jump from 90 minutes to 10 — start by cutting 10–15 minutes off the current time.
2. 2.Use a visible timer that your child controls (a waterproof timer in the bathroom, or a playlist that's the target length).
3. 3.The goal is for them to finish when the timer or music ends. If they go over slightly, note it without punishment.
4. 4.Each week, reduce by another 5–10 minutes as they build confidence.
5. 5.Celebrate progress: "Last month your showers were 90 minutes. This week you're at 55. That's 35 minutes of your life you took back from the OCD."

1. 1.Once you understand the ritual steps, work with your child to identify which steps are hygiene and which are OCD.
2. 2.Create a "normal shower" checklist together: shampoo once, soap body once, rinse, done. Write it on a waterproof card for the shower.
3. 3.Challenge them to follow only the checklist and resist the OCD's add-ons. The checklist gives them something concrete to follow instead of OCD's rules.
4. 4.If they find themselves doing extra steps, they practice noticing it ("That was the OCD, not the checklist") without going back to fix anything.

1. 1.This technique uses a brief switch to cold water at the end of the shower as a "ritual breaker" — it interrupts the OCD loop with a strong physical sensation.
2. 2.With your child's agreement, they switch to cold water for the last 15–30 seconds of the shower. This makes it very unappealing to continue the ritual past the planned endpoint.
3. 3.The cold water also serves as a clear physical boundary: warm water = shower time, cold water = done.
4. 4.This is not a punishment — frame it as a tool: "The OCD makes it hard to stop. The cold water gives your brain a clear signal that the shower is over."
5. 5.Combine with the time reduction strategy for maximum effectiveness.