Reassurance Seeking
Asking the same questions over and over — 'Are you sure?' 'Is this okay?' — to relieve anxiety.
My child asks the same question over and over and my answers are never enough
Your child asks the same question repeatedly — 'Are you sure it's safe?' 'Is this okay?' 'Will I be alright?' — and no matter how many times you answer, it's never enough. You can see the brief flash of relief in their eyes, followed almost immediately by the doubt creeping back. You've answered the same question 30 times in an hour and you're exhausted.
They need me to say 'I love you' or 'it's okay' in a specific way
Your child needs you to say certain phrases in exactly the right way. 'I love you' has to be said with the right tone, the right words, sometimes the right number of times. If you get it wrong, they get distressed and make you say it again. What used to be a sweet bedtime exchange now feels like a rigid script that you're terrified of messing up.
They confess every tiny 'bad' thought and need me to tell them they're not a bad person
Your child comes to you multiple times a day to confess thoughts they've had — 'I thought something mean about my friend,' 'I had a bad word in my head,' 'I wished something bad would happen.' They're visibly distressed and won't calm down until you tell them they're a good person. The confessions are getting more frequent and more trivial, and your reassurance lasts shorter and shorter each time.
My adult child calls me multiple times a day to confirm they didn't cause harm
Your adult child calls or texts you repeatedly, sometimes dozens of times a day, needing you to confirm that they didn't accidentally hurt someone, cause an accident, or do something terrible. They might ask you to verify they turned off the stove, to confirm that a bump they felt while driving wasn't a person, or to reassure them that a comment they made at work didn't destroy someone's life. Your phone has become a lifeline — and a prison — for both of you.