They touch things with both hands to make it 'even'
You've noticed your child touching the railing with their left hand and then going back to touch it with their right. They tap objects, brush against walls, or stroke surfaces with both hands, and they seem uneasy until both sides 'match.' It's slowing things down and drawing attention from other kids.
What's Happening (The OCD Cycle)
This is one of the most common symmetry compulsions in children. OCD creates a rule: if one side of your body does something, the other side must do the exact same thing, or something will feel incomplete, wrong, or even dangerous. For some children, it's purely a sensory 'not right' experience. For others, a magical thinking layer is added — 'if I don't even it out, something bad might happen.'
The compulsion — touching with both hands — is the child's attempt to neutralize that uncomfortable, unfinished feeling. The relief is immediate but short-lived. Sometimes OCD demands the second touch be exactly the same pressure, speed, and duration as the first, leading to multiple attempts to get it 'right.'
Because this compulsion is relatively quick and quiet, it can fly under the radar for a long time. But left unaddressed, the rules tend to multiply. What starts as touching railings can expand to tapping doorframes, evening out steps, or balancing how they chew food. Early, gentle intervention gives your child the best chance of learning to override these signals.
How This Looks by Age
Your young child touches everything with both hands to make it 'even.' If they accidentally brush a wall with their left hand, they must go back and touch it with their right. They may tap things in pairs, touch their face symmetrically, and become distressed when walking if one foot steps on a crack and the other doesn't. Walks to the park take twice as long because of the doubling-back to 'even things up.' They can't explain why they need to do this, just that it feels wrong if they don't.
You might say:
“I see you going back to touch that with your other hand. The Worry Monster is making you do that because it says things have to be even. But what if they don't? Let's try walking past without going back. It might feel weird for a minute, but I bet the weird feeling goes away before we get to the park.”
Your child's evening-up behavior extends to school and activities. They touch both sides of their desk, tap both feet equally on stairs, and adjust their body until both sides feel symmetrical. They're becoming self-conscious as classmates notice the rituals. Writing is slow because they press the pencil equally on both sides of each stroke. Sports are complicated because natural asymmetric movements feel 'wrong.'
You might say:
“I know the evening-up feels like something you have to do, but it's OCD making that rule. What if you tried letting one thing be 'uneven' today? Just one thing. Pick something small. I think you'll find that the uncomfortable feeling fades faster than OCD says it will. And every time it fades, you're proving OCD wrong.”
Your teen has developed sophisticated evening-up rituals that are hard to detect -- mental counting, subtle body movements, or internal balancing that happens invisibly. But the rituals slow them down significantly. They may avoid holding hands with a partner because they'll need to hold the other person's hand with the other hand to 'even out.' Test-taking is affected because they tap the pen an even number of times before each answer. They're exhausted by the constant balancing act.
You might say:
“I want to check in about the evening-up stuff. I know you don't always want to talk about it, and that's okay. But if OCD is taking up a lot of mental energy, that's worth addressing. No pressure. I just want you to know that I see it, I understand it, and I'm here whenever you're ready to push back against it.”
What NOT to Do
Waiting for them to finish the ritual so you can move on
Patiently standing by while they touch everything twice may seem kind, but it accommodates OCD. Your child's brain registers: 'This ritual is important enough that even Mom/Dad waits for it.' That deepens the groove.
Telling them it's 'no big deal' or 'just stop doing that'
Minimizing the experience invalidates what feels very real to your child. They can't 'just stop' any more than you could ignore an itch. Dismissal pushes the behavior underground rather than resolving it.
Pointing it out in front of others
Drawing attention to the behavior in social settings — 'See, they're doing it again' — adds embarrassment without helping. Your child is likely already self-conscious about it. Address it privately and collaboratively.
What to Try Instead
Label It and Validate
- 1.In a calm moment (not when the ritual is happening), bring it up gently: 'I've noticed you sometimes touch things with both hands. Can you tell me about that?'
- 2.Listen without judgment. Let them describe the feeling in their own words.
- 3.Introduce the concept of OCD as a 'brain glitch' that sends false alarms: 'Your brain is telling you something bad will happen if you don't even it out, but that's OCD talking — not the truth.'
- 4.Agree on a name for the urge together — 'The Evener,' 'Matchy Brain,' etc.
You might say:
“"I've noticed that sometimes when you touch something with one hand, you feel like you have to go back and touch it with the other hand too. Does it feel like something is 'off' until you do? That's OCD playing a trick — it makes you feel like you have to even things out, but you actually don't. It just feels that way. Want to start noticing when it happens together?"”
The 'One Hand' Challenge
- 1.Choose a low-stakes moment — walking down a hallway at home, touching a light switch.
- 2.Challenge your child to touch the object with only one hand and then keep walking. No going back.
- 3.Have them rate their discomfort (0–10) right after, then again after one minute. Show them the number drops.
- 4.Practice this several times in comfortable settings before trying it in public.
You might say:
“"Let's play a game. When we walk past the railing, you're going to touch it with just your right hand — and then we keep walking. OCD is going to say 'Go back! Go back!' but we're going to keep going. I bet that weird feeling drops from maybe a 6 to a 2 in about a minute. Want to test it?"”
Opposite Action Practice
- 1.Once your child is comfortable resisting the second touch, introduce intentional asymmetry — touching things only with their non-dominant hand.
- 2.Practice in sessions of 10–15 minutes, gradually increasing the situations where they resist.
- 3.Have them keep a simple tally of how many times they 'bossed back' OCD each day.
- 4.Set a weekly goal together and celebrate when they hit it.
You might say:
“"You've gotten really good at the one-hand challenge. Ready for the boss level? This time, when OCD says 'touch it with both hands,' you're only going to touch it with your left hand — the opposite of what OCD wants. It's like telling OCD, 'You're not in charge.' How many times do you think you can do that today?"”
When It Gets Tough
The first few times your child resists the second touch, the 'not right' feeling will scream louder. They might describe it as an itch they can't scratch, a pressure in their body, or a sense that something terrible is about to happen. This is OCD's alarm system going off, and it's supposed to be uncomfortable — that's how exposures work. Your job is to be calm and confident that the feeling will pass. Don't reassure them that 'nothing bad will happen' (that becomes its own compulsion). Instead, say, 'The feeling is uncomfortable, and it will pass. You're doing something really brave.' Most children find that the urge drops significantly within a few minutes. If you stay the course, these practice rounds teach the brain that the alarm is false.
When to Get Professional Help
Consider consulting a specialist if:
- •The touching ritual is expanding to include more objects, surfaces, or body parts
- •Your child becomes distressed or panicky when they can't complete the ritual
- •It's adding noticeable time to daily routines — getting through a hallway, entering rooms, transitions at school
- •Your child avoids touching things altogether to prevent triggering the need to even out
- •Teachers or peers are commenting on the behavior
Related Situations
This guide provides educational information based on ERP and CBT principles. It is not a substitute for professional clinical guidance. Always consult a qualified mental health professional for your family's specific needs.